Talking with Charlie yesterday, I confirmed my suspicions that Brad had already chosen a best man for his wedding. I am not a believer of "kill the messenger," so most of the time Charlie doesn't have trouble telling me things, except when he's at discomfort between two friends.

Charlie told me that Brad had originally asked him to be his best man. Charlie declined, thinking that I would be a better choice. In between that time, he picked another best man, which is one of his Marine buddies.

Now, I know Brad has been bootcamping and struggling with the marines with these guys and how they're exceptionally close... but that doesn't mean that you can leave the rest of your family behind, especially the one that supports you in whatever you want to do.

Some of the reasons that Brad suggested to Charlie just seemed to rattle my skull. "These guys would take a bullet for me - would Steven take a bullet for me?"

I FUCKING THOUGHT I WOULD.

"Would Steven risk his neck for me?"

I DID, MANY TIMES.

Charlie replied that it was I who took him in during the debacle with his grandparents, who offered a solution to a problem and how to fix it. Brad's reply? "Steven's Mom took me in."

That hurt -- a lot. A couple of weeks of debate and ideas being thrown mean that much to him.

Brad also suggested that it would conflict with his "blues" - me standing there to his side with just a regular tuxedo on.

Fashion statement.

I now know this is the reason why Brad has been avoiding contact. A few stories and places come to mind whenever I think of the statement "Would Steven take a bullet for me?.."

Bronco Bowl. Linkin Park, our favorite band, and I had pit access and he didn't at the time. I tried to convince a security guard to let him in with us, and you know what? They let him in. If they didn't let him in, I would've stood up there next to him, watching the show and given one of the other kids my ticket.

Brad's reply? (Which he's been using since)- "I'd get down there, eventually, no matter what." Brad was nearly in tears when the 4 of us were down in the pit, including his fling at the time.

Jesus Christ, how much have we been through together? California. School. Bird (lol). The Buick, hell, the Crown Vic. Being the fucking third wheel. Push hodda. Things just come to me.

I don't know... Charlie and I talked about it last night, and he's right. The Brad that is Brad now isn't the Brad I grew up with, got in trouble with, covered his ass with. I thought brothers or best friends were supposed to be that title. I'm both of those and got shanked.

All I have to say is I hope Brad finds what he's looking for. If he's mature enough to let me know through a friend that I'm not going to play a role that I wanted to be a part of, marriage is the perfect thing for him!

:(